New Rhythms + Borrowed Coffee Cups

I’ve been a good sport. 

I have, truly. At least that is what I shouted to the sky one morning a few months ago.  Feeling the weight of it all, as I was driving back to my friends home where I had been so welcomed. Earlier that day having unloaded all of my belongings in a storage unit for the second time in six months! Having moved from Nashville to Austin and then back to Nashville, so fast it was hard to tell if the whole life I lived in another state had happened at all. After returning the Uhaul truck, having handled all the logistics possible, I realized I was entirely unsure of where I would live, what job would be available, what friendships would look like, how my logistic needs would be solved. 

“I’ve been a good sport! Now what in the world happens now?”.  - says me, and then drinks a glass of wine. 

Many days (most of the days) a calm has superseded all anxiety in the midst of a cascade of changes, and I have been met with a steadiness that….  I’m simply holding onto. (because wouldn’t you!?) 

What no one tells you in the midst of a season filled with transition is how you’ll miss the way sunlight used to fill your room as the morning ebbed it’s way in.  Of how the rhythms you worked hard to build would be erased and you’d have to keep finding a new pace. How many times your heart would have to let go of places, people and cozy reading corners along the way. I’ve wrestled with disappointment and confusion of the way recent pieces have taken shape in this life of mine — yet those feelings are equally matched to the joy, unexpected adventures and serendipity weaved into my new everyday. 

I have been learning in the letting go of control over your right now life, that you will experience freedom and faint (sometimes vast) waves of heartache. Over what you imagined this moment to be, the friends no longer meant to be in your life, or of the uncertainty of home and purpose. Also, how you'll discover a new song has taken shape, perhaps waiting for you all along. 

I have learned amidst this uncomfortable year, the beauty of borrowed coffee cups, humility, and being open handed with today (and then tomorrow.)  Reminded so often of the innate generosity of the human spirit as old and new friends have extended whatever they had to give to ease the burden of the unexpected transitions this year has carried. It has revealed how uncomfortable I am in being dependent on anyone and how deeply beautiful it is to let others into it all with you. 

I have been known to move a thousand miles minute in pursuit of whatever is in front of me. But, these days I am taking a gentler approach to the who, what, when and where of my life. 

When you’ve essentially gotten your ass kicked in the span of a year — you start to realize the beauty in being a little quieter, moving a bit softer, and reshaping expectations of your everyday landscape.

Perhaps we begin to advocate for one another’s right now lives. Embracing, dreaming and challenging ourselves to be fully present— daringly generous with our love — and open handed with wherever our stories lead. Discovering the new landscapes around and before us.